Realizations
by sg-1fanintn
Summary: Summary: An afternoon barbecue at Jack's house turns into something much more revealing.


_I wrote this last spring after S8 ended. But I hadn't joined yet. Now that I have, I thought I should upload it. _

_We know there's a deleted Threads scene between Jack and Jacob. But here's another scene TPTB should have written. I think this is what happened after Sam left Kerry and Jack at Jack's house. _

"That was odd," Kerry thought to herself, as she watched Samantha Carter hurry across the back yard at Jack O'Neill's house. Kerry and Jack, still in the beginning stages of a relationship, were grilling steaks when Jack's former second in command had suddenly shown up. Jack and Carter were deep in conversation when Kerry came out on the deck, balancing bowls of potato salad and fresh fruit. She was so preoccupied with trying not to spill anything that she didn't notice Sam until it was too late to hide. And at that point, the situation became…awkward.

Kerry glanced at Jack, who briefly met her gaze before returning his eyes to Sam's quickly retreating form. Colonel Carter left hurriedly after receiving a cell call from the SGC. It had something to do with her father, who was visiting. Probably something minor, Kerry thought, as she smiled at Jack. As if jarred from a daze, he looked back and said, "I've done about as much damage to these steaks as I can. Shall we eat?"

They moved to the nearby able and sat down. The weather was pleasant, and Kerry couldn't think of anywhere she would rather be. She was enjoying this assignment, and was proud to be entrusted with working at a top secret operation. When she first found out that Americans traveled to distant worlds from a giant ring under the Cheyenne Mountain Complex, she was shocked. It was heady stuff for a young agent: the CIA's Kerry Johnson, keeping a secret only a handful of people on the planet knew. But the more she learned about the Stargate program, the more fascinated she became by its operations…and by its tall, handsome leader. She sought him out for information. She wanted to succeed in this assignment. During their question and answer sessions, they discovered that conversation came easily between them. One particular afternoon Q & A session led to dinner that night, and later, to some of the most satisfying sex she had ever had. He was smooth, assured, a considerate lover…although distant somehow, in a sad way. They were falling into a pattern of spending time together, and she was glad. She wanted to get to know him better, to find out more about what made him tick.

She had read the record files. He and the rest of SG-1 had saved Earth from seemingly certain doom many times. She also knew about his son's death a few years back and the subsequent breakup of his marriage. Kerry had firsthand experience with the fallout of grief. Her younger brother had died when someone ran a stop sign and struck him as he rode his bike down the street where her family lived. Although her parents didn't split up, they never really recovered from that trauma. How could they? Since her family never got over the loss, she thought Jack probably suffered the same sense of emptiness. She attributed his vague aloofness to that loss.

Realizing that her thoughts had drifted away briefly, she quickly searched for a topic to restart the conversation. "Does Colonel Carter drop by a lot?" she asked, trying to sound casual. Her internal radar told her that today's visit wasn't normal, and she sensed that it had made Jack uncomfortable.

"Sometimes." He shrugged his shoulders as he speared pieces of fresh fruit onto his fork. "Teal'c and Daniel too. Ya know how it is. We're the only ones we can talk to about what went on at the office."

"I can imagine," she laughed. "It's good you've stayed close to them. The four of you have been through a lot together. But I'm sorry our cover is blown. You didn't want anyone at the SGC to know about us. I…uh…I hope it won't be a problem."

He took a deep breath and paused briefly before replying, but didn't look up. "Don't worry," he said. "The cover's not blown. Carter won't say anything."

"And her wedding?" Kerry asked. "How long before that?"

"Week…month…sometime soon," he shrugged. "And we'll all be dancing down the yellow brick road with her." His plate was clean. He smiled, rose from the table and started toward the house with the empty dish. "Be right back," he called out, as he went through the door. He returned a few moments later with a pitcher of water. "I'm going to go ahead and douse the fire."

"What's the rush?" she asked. "There's still plenty of daylight left."

"Uh, yeah, about that," he stumbled. "I need to cut it short. I have a pile of paperwork on my desk. The papers…they, uh…they multiply like bunnies when I turn my back. I really need to go back to the office."

"Oh," she said, trying not to sound surprised. "Sure. I understand." But she didn't. This marked the first time one of their dates hadn't extended into an overnight stay. She had expected today to be the same. She had even packed a bag and tomorrow's business suit in the trunk of her car, assuming she would be with him until morning. The butterflies of anticipation that had been fluttering inside her suddenly became quiet. She was disappointed.

"Finish your dinner," Jack said, again moving toward the house. "I'm gonna grab a quick shower. If I go back like this, I'll set off the smoke alarms. I'll be back to clean up." With that, he was gone.

Odd. The second odd thing in less than a half-hour. "What's going on here?" she asked herself. Her internal radar kicked up to the next level, as her analytical mind searched for any relevant information she might have missed. When did his mood change? The only unusual event had been Colonel Carter's visit. What could be up at the SGC? Was Colonel Carter's father involved? Did Carter's visit remind the general of an unfinished project?

And then she remembered something she had heard a few days ago, while grabbing a quick lunch in the SGC cafeteria. Two nurses were at a table near hers. They were talking about Colonel Carter's wedding, and the police detective she was marrying. "I hear he's a nice guy, but I still can't believe she's doing it," one woman said to the other.

"Why?" the second asked.

"Oh, please," the first replied. Her tone suggested the other woman was missing something that should have been obvious. "Why do you think? But I guess she finally decided to get on with her life."

They had lowered their voices then, but Kerry catalogued the information, to check on later. Maybe Colonel Carter had unresolved issues with an ex-boyfriend. Didn't every woman? She had thought of asking Jack about it today, but his mood had changed abruptly when the Colonel left.

And suddenly, it hit her. Like a ton of bricks. The cafeteria conversation. SG-1's closeness. Colonel Carter's impromptu visit, and how awkward it felt when she had accidentally interrupted Carter's conversation with Jack. Now she knew why he didn't want anyone at the SGC to know they were seeing each other. It wasn't "anyone." _He didn't want Colonel Carter to know._ As she started putting the pieces together, her heart sank.

Jack appeared at the back door, hair still wet, wearing his BDUs. "Done?" he asked.

She nodded. He walked toward her, stopped at the table and reached down to pick up her plate.

"That's ok," she said, moving her hand to block his. "Go ahead. I'll clean up."

He paused, and she looked up to meet his gaze. "You sure?" he asked.

She wanted to be alone, to process her thoughts. She forced a smile. "Absolutely," she answered. "You need to get back to the SGC. I'll take care of this." She paused a moment, to see if he might ask whether she'd wait so they could salvage their evening. After a moment, she sensed that the offer wasn't coming. "I've got a lot to do myself. I'll lock up when I go, if that's ok."

He gave her a grin, hesitated a moment; then leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "Thanks," he said.

And then he was gone. Kerry sat quietly for a few minutes, staring after him. Then, she rose from the chair and gathered up the remains of their meal. She took the food inside, stored it away, rinsed the dishes and utensils and put them in his dishwasher. She picked up her car keys and went outside. After placing the grill's lid on the wet coals, she walked to her car, opened the trunk and removed her suit. She went back inside, changed clothes, stuffed her jeans and top into her bag, got her purse and locked Jack's house.

Then, she started her car and headed for the SGC. She knew what she had to do next, and it wasn't going to be easy. However, being dressed for business always boosted her confidence when she went into tough meetings. And once she broke off their relationship, she was going to go somewhere to have a good cry.

**_The End_**

_A/N: Reviews are always appreciated...and feed the muse. Thanks to all for reading!_


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